There is a long standing misnomer, at least in western countries like New Zealand, that seeing sex workers is an older man’s game. And we love our silver foxes, I won’t lie. But the truth is that upwardly mobile, successful younger men visit us too.
Clients make up multiple demographics and come from all walks of life. That shouldn’t be a surprise given sex is a pretty universal pleasure, even if individual desires vary. The only age requirement is that you are over 18 years old. While it’s true older clients tend to have higher incomes, and therefore more discretionary funds, the realisation that we only live once probably plays a part as well. And this realisation does not belong exclusively to those with more life experience. Plenty of younger clients grace our hallowed halls – even in the age of hook-up apps.
But there is a link across all our client demographics: financial success, and a belief that the fruits of one’s labour should be enjoyed. I emphasise success and its enjoyment, because, while sexuality and abundant libido may be an intrinsic part of lived experience for (many of) us, seeing a sex worker is a luxury. A good, ethical luxury here at Funhouse Wellington, but a luxury nonetheless.
It is a luxury to side step the dating apps; to fall directly into the arms of a beautiful woman; to have fun; to communicate honestly about what you want and to experience the elevation of sex which comes with that. Good sex, without complicated or unsaid expectations, and without expending precious time and energy on dates which may not happen, is not only possible, it’s a given here.
Now, I argue that the connective, oxytocin-giving luxury that is sex work is a necessary one. That is true both in times that feel impossible, and the very best of times. But we hear that the stigma of paying for sex can be a barrier when thinking about seeing a sex worker. So let’s break it down, because the stigma against seeing sex workers is relatively recent, and fully uncalled for.
Campaigns against sex work, and ‘end demand’ models of criminalisation as seen in the ‘Swedish model’, have driven contemporary stigma of being a client. This discourse exists in New Zealand, even though sex work has been completely decriminalised for over 2 decades. This is because anti-client arguments allow sex work abolitionists to falsely claim they are protecting women. They are not. But aside from the fact research shows laws which criminalise clients actually harm and endanger sex workers, criminalising clients does not end demand either. Driving the industry underground does not protect sex workers, of any gender. The stigma that stems from this kind of thinking only narrows the kind of transformative, honest experiences and conversations we can have about sex, sexuality, boundaries, ethics, desires, relationships, and yes, sex work too.
Being a client doesn’t make someone unethical or a bad feminist. Treating a sex worker badly does. Besides, just like you may unknowingly know someone who is a sex worker, you are sure to know someone who is, or has been, a client.
Do you have to talk to your friends about seeing sex workers, or being curious about it? No. But you may find it liberating nonetheless. Talking about sex work is also an opportunity to educate others, undo some misconceptions, and share the love of sex workers (whether that is figuratively or materially speaking, you decide). It doesn’t have to be a big deal either – I’m a big advocate of the casual approach when it comes to the big stuff. Or things which you fear are big.
Whatever you do, give yourself some joy, spread it around, and see where it goes. Either way, you’re golden.